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About MOB

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  • Birthday 03/12/1996

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  • Gender Male
  • Location RVA
  • Interests Wrestling, Sports, Women, Video Games

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  1. HB Rants and Struggles - A Venting Thread

    Alright so, I've been dealing with my own issues and depression for about 3-ish years now. All of these are feelings of loneliness, self-image issues, and just not believing in myself in anything, even sometimes the things that I love. Most of this stems off of a toxic relationship I had at the same time I started feeling that way. To sum it all up, I stayed in it because I wanted to make it work and because it was my first relationship, but the girl and I were way too incompatible and I just didn't feel a sort of connection to her. She was the one who took my virginity, etc. but that's not really what got me, I felt used for sex cause that's literally all we did. I never really felt happy with this person, and when I got out of it I was happy, but I was so upset.  I started having depressive thoughts later, and didn't believe I could actually be with anyone else or that I'd never get in a relationship where I actually felt a deep connection to someone. Like, hooking up is fine, but I still felt that way. I hooked up with another person about a few months after all of that shit ended, and after I got ghosted, I took a spiral down and my feelings of loneliness increased.  So 3 years later, I go to MAGFest and meet up with a friend of mine cause she wanted me to buy her alcohol at the time since she wasn't 21 at the time. I do that, meet up with her and I meet a ton of her friends in her hotel room. There was one in particular that I found real cute and stuff, but I was like "Nah dude, you couldn't get with that" to myself. So I'm trying to get to know people (cause I want con friends, etc.) and I noticed my homegirl got pulled aside by the one girl I'm talking about. We're all having small talk, etc. and that person starts blatantly hitting on me and I'm like "Woah " but since I'm shy as hell, I don't really do anything with it. We leave to go party and etc. so while we're waiting and stuff in a hallway, my homegirl pulls me aside and was like "Dude, she's been eyeballing you and shit all day, go talk to her." Let's just say I was too shy to do that and I can only talk to girls while I'm kinda drunk. I tell myself that I'll try again tomorrow, etc. repeatedly but I could never find that girl or only ran into her a few times after that. So I'm like... "Shit I should've shot my shot" and just shake my head at myself. So the con ends and a day or 2 after it, I'm about to get off work and I had a few missed calls and texts from my homegirl. I look at them and she's like "Where the fuck are you? This girl is dead ass about to be in town cause she's visiting me, you better come shoot your shot" and I'm like DYING inside and not prepared . So I respond that I'll go with her, and she basically wingwomans for me to the girl, and it was almost like a double date at dinner cause my homegirl brought her BF with her. So myself and the girl go to the car so she can get some bags and stuff and she was like "Well I wish I got to talk to you at MAG because I think you're really cute and wanna get to know you" and shit. So I got her number and on the way home she starts texting me and shit, asking if I wanted to smash. I said yeah so they drive us to my house and I turned on some anime and we smashed. Also, originally, she was supposed to only stay for a day, but while we were texting in the car I was being playful and said like "Well if you stayed I'd make you dinner" and all that stuff, but she agreed to purposely miss her bus home to stay a little more with me.  So that happens, and things are happening SO fast. Like, feelings and emotions wise. She actually treated me so much better than my ex the couple of days we'd been hanging out and having sex, letting out both of our vulnerable sides and etc. Come time for her to leave, I ask her out and we date briefly. She comes back after leaving and she isn't really letting me get closer to her, etc. and I'm not sure why. So we broke it off early (she asked) because she said that she had so much shit going on in her life that she isn't ready for a relationship right now. We both also agreed we took things way too fast but still wanted to be friends. We're still friends, but I learn more about all the shit going on in her life and her baggage: sexual assault trauma and a lot of other mental health issues. She still visits sometimes and we talk, but man... I actually have legit feelings for the girl and I'm like... I know that she has to help herself get past her trauma and etc, and I told her I'd be there for her when she needed it. But man... everything feels like it was terrible timing. I know I shouldn't have asked her out after a few days, but my emotions were pretty high and so were her's, and I acted on them. I learned a lesson there, but I still can't help but feel alone and still wanting to be there with her..  I don't wanna sit here and wait for her, cause I'm just not gonna let these feelings and my loneliness eat away at me. I think there's room for stuff to happen in the future, but I'm just... not really sure what I need to do at this point. We're friends, yeah, but I still have these feelings and I don't wanna get too attached to her, etc. There's just so much shit going on in my head right now that I need to help get myself together and still remain close to the girl... 
  2. Random Thoughts

    Just popping in to say hello, or something I guess.    Not really actively keeping up with pro wrestling right now because of school and pursuit of other life passions, but it's crazy to see that IWC-type stuff is still alive.
  3. Tinashe

    I felt very underwhelmed by it, but I liked it. Comparing to the hype from 2 years ago, the album feels so much different from what it was originally going to be. I guess this is what happens when things change and RCA does some fuckery with it being delayed so much. I still love every track on the album, but whoever was in charge of putting the creaking noises in Ooh La La needs to get the fuck out. That part brings down the quality of a great song. 
  4. General Gaming

    90% of my gaming now is fighting games, RPG's, and Fortnite.   I don't regret any of it. 
  5. Final Fantasy

    FF8 gets a lot of hate, but it's actually not a bad game at all. It's got an amazing soundtrack, good characters, and a decent story.   Eyes On Me was probably the most powerful moment in that game for me, along with Laguna finding Ellone as Adel was chasing after her.    Squall's an alright protagonist. He's a confusing character at first, and is okay-ish in terms of actual character development, but he grew on me. That, and the way he portrays himself is how I used to portray myself, for similar reasons being that I wanted to protect myself from emotional and mental pain that happened to me. He gets better as the game goes on. 
  6. HB Rants and Struggles - A Venting Thread

    I'm pretty much 90% over her now. My feelings for the girl made me hold back on a lot of the stuff I didn't like about her (same with her actions), but now, I'll tell it how I feel.  After talking with her a few months, everything that happened was merely... a misunderstanding, I guess? When I asked about the flirting, etc. she told me that all of it wasn't what I thought it was, it was just her way of being comfortable around me. Also, when she asked me what I saw her as, she told me that it was because she knew I liked her, and was basically using it as a way to let me down because she just wants to see people right now, and wants nothing serious. Also, at the time, she was seeing a guy late into the semester when the juicier bits started happening, and she mentioned that she was texting him when she asked me all of it. She's been really truthful to me, but I'm still left really confused but I won't look far into it. I know what was said over all the phone calls, and all the texts we had. Hell, she even damn near sat on my lap once when I was messing with her, and there were witnesses to that. She told me she didn't have any of those feelings, so I guess it was just me misinterpreting what she was doing, and me just catching feelings for her.  I'm a bit skeptical of what she said because of what I said before with the texting and flirting (I guess) over the phone, so I don't really know. But, I'm not going to go deep into this because my feelings are fading.    She just, has issues too, and as do I. Maybe it's just another case of unrequited feelings for me, or whatever.  I just, don't know what I want now, after all of that. Maybe I'll just see other people and see how it goes from there, maybe I'll sleep around because I just... don't care anymore? I have feelings, but after this, and the fact that I'm still healing from my past relationships, I just don't know anymore. It would be nice to have someone, you know. 
  7. Final Fantasy

    FFX/X-2 FFVII FFIX That's my top 3. I've played VIII (good game), XIII (hated it) and XV too, but I can't really decide where to put them.   I hated everything about XIII and Lightning though, what a shitty protagonist and unlikeable cast.    I'm in the middle of FFVI right now. My, my, Kefka is a marvelous villain.
  8. HB Rants and Struggles - A Venting Thread

    Well, she knows I like her, but I haven't told her that I'm really starting to like her more. As of right now, I'm pretty much just continuing to be friends with her at this point and waiting. Ideally, I want it to happen naturally because I don't want to just rush into it. I don't know if me telling her would change her mind, though. I just want her to be ready when she really is. 
  9. HB Rants and Struggles - A Venting Thread

    Yeah, I do. I've slowly started to really fall for her. I don't know how damaged she is from her last relationship, but I do know that she is over her ex. I just don't know what the root of her not being able to commit to anything right now is. I'm just, confused and stuck, really.
  10. Random Thoughts

    It's been quite some time. 
  11. HB Rants and Struggles - A Venting Thread

    I think she might be a little insecure. I compliment her sometimes and when she asks me what to do with her hair or makeup, I compliment her there too. She says she looks average at best, but I just don't see it myself. I treat her the same way as I have before I found out she liked me, just a little less flirty with her since I'm trying to respect her decision she told me right now. We're still very playful when we talk, but I just can't do anything else. I do care about her, too. She makes my day better, I enjoy being around her, I just am hoping this works out. I've told her things I haven't even told some of my closest friends, so I put myself in a vulnerable state around her too. I've always offered myself out to her if she wants to talk about anything sensitive to her, and earlier on when she's been upset and asks me not to joke around, I stop and try to console her. 
  12. HB Rants and Struggles - A Venting Thread

    Apart from school kicking my ass and giving me depression/anxiety...   My luck with women, lord..   I met a girl back in September at my school's FGC club. Basically, it's a club for fighting games, and we met because we both play Tekken. We talked for a bit after a few sessions and eventually became friends. She friended me on Facebook and we started talking from there. Now, I always thought she was really cute, but I immediately wrote myself out because: A. I want to get good, not get a girlfriend, and B. There's no way I'd end up with a girl like that. We started talking and getting close and I felt closer to her as a friend, but I still had no feelings for her because of what I said above. Over the course of getting to know her, I learned that she cosplays, she plays video games (well, obviously), she's a huge nerd, meaning she's totally my type.    One weekly session around Halloween, she showed up in a cosplay of my Tekken main: Josie. I was playing a match with a guy there and she showed up behind me quoting my character, and I turned around and saw it. I didn't know what to do with myself because I liked it and because she's literally right in front of me, dressed up as my favorite character. I really thought nothing of it. I get closer to her and she starts telling me how several guys there at the club have tried to slide in her DM's and take her out on dates, and she tells me how she doesn't like that and prefers that guys get to know her before doing all of that. She also told me about how she's only had one boyfriend and that he did her dirty, and that she isn't ready to commit to any type of relationship right now, dates for her are nothing serious. I still think nothing of this, because I'm talking to her on a friendship level and getting to know her as a person. We had gone out to a ramen place already for food because she invited me, but I really didn't consider that a date.    Over time, we started to get closer. Now, we're comfortable with each other and starting to joke around with each other. She started calling me a thot, so I called her that back jokingly because of it. She changed my nickname to something jokingly to mess with me, and so did I. She also set the chat emoji to a winky face. We talk daily anyway, so I think nothing of this and just run along with everything since that's how we act anyway. There was a night where I was up late doing an assignment and I forgot to reply to her, so I did and she said "Oh, look at you sliding into my DM's this late at night" and I just went along with what she said after jokingly. Even in public around our friend group, we would call each other thot and joke around with each other. There's also one thing that she does that she knows will trigger me: touching buttons on my backpack that I tell people not to touch. She does that, even when my bag is straight up on my back, and I'm here grabbing her arms trying to stop her.   Then, I started noticing she was blatantly flirting with me over texts. Calling me a cutie (which caught me off guard because I didn't suspect anything) one time, asking to hang out with me every so often, and talk to me every day. There were times that she's called me while I was in the library studying or at home and we'd talk for hours. She came over to my house a couple of times when my roommates weren't there to play Tekken with me. I started to question whether or not she had interest, but I recently learned that I'm dense and didn't really notice that much. At the same time, I started to kind of like her.    I talked with some of my friends and my roommates about all the stuff she's done and our interactions, and they all said that it's obvious she likes me and I'm dense as hell. The times that my roommates saw her over at my house and in my room, they knew. My friend group saw our interactions and already knew too. They said it was so obvious she liked me, and that she practically was clinging onto me when we're both over there since she always sat next to me, and talked with me. Last Friday, I went to my therapist and told her all the things above, and even she said the same thing. So on that same day, I walked her to work since she asked me to "talk" and walk with her and she asked me "So what do you see me as?" I hesitantly said a good friend, but said I'd like to date her. She repeated the commitment thing she said and I acknowledged it, but asked her if she's been flirting with me and if she liked me. She started nevous smiling and laughing, texting one of her friends, who I assume she was talking to about me and what to do.    I want this to work out for me, because she's a good thing in my life. She makes me happy, I enjoy being around her, and she's a good girl. But, because of the whole commitment issue she's having right now and not being ready, she said it's best that we remain as friends. She told me if she would've committed to anything, she would've disappeared on me. It's not that I don't know what to do, it's just I'm caught up in this. I like her, and those feelings are escalating for me, but I can't do anything but wait. I won't treat her any differently than I do now and we still talk everyday, and as we normally do, but it just sucks. I can't act on my feelings and ask her to date me. I want to take her out on a date regardless, because it's something I want to do with her, and I don't care if it's not serious to her or not.    I just don't understand how she likes me, and says she isn't ready to commit. I don't know the exact reason why she isn't ready to commit to anything, but it's one thing I'm thinking about because I want a relationship with her to come out of this. I don't know how I managed to get a girl like this, someone my type and just like me, yet I just have to wait and see what happens. Who knows if she'll still like me when she's ready? I don't think I'll meet a girl like this ever again, let alone get one to like me again.   I'm super insecure and unhappy in certain aspects of my life, which is why I seeked out therapy, and that's why I'm having those last thoughts. When I like a girl, I start to fall hard, and it consumes me.    Just my luck, right? 
  13. HB Rants and Struggles - A Venting Thread

    Ever since last year, I've just been so unhappy with myself. After losing being an RA, something that I cared about, I just put myself in such a dark place. Going through that next semester, I overloaded myself on credits and didn't help my case at all, making everything to me so somber. The negative thoughts about myself have gotten worse and worse over the years and it began to affect me in doing the things that I love and in school. After putting myself in a toxic relationship and experiencing two people ghosting me, those have made it worse for myself. I'm not happy with myself, physically, emotionally and skill-wise. There were times that I've gotten so sad to where I can't even do anything but sit there and drown myself in the sadness. I dealt with all of this by playing video games, something I've always loved, saw it as an escape from the reality of what's happening to myself and my insecurities. I didn't know where to stop because of my lack of time management and it started killing my grades and my happiness as a result of the low grades.    I've had many moments this year where I've been at my happiness, those being playing games, competing in social events for one of my student organizations, and just being around my friends, but it still isn't enough to help me. Recently, it's gotten to the point where I started using alcohol as a means of escaping it. Normally, I'd never do that and use it socially with my friends, but being under the influence made me forget about all the troubles I had with myself - and I liked that. Only later did I realize how bad it was for me to deal with it in this way when friends of mine online started becoming concerned with my drinking habits. That was where I realized it's gotten worse for myself and I've been dealing with it in the wrong ways. I checked myself into student counseling to hopefully help myself feel better and have only done about two sessions. I still don't know where this will take me but I just hope it will help me feel happier about myself again.   I don't know what's wrong with me, but I hope this will help me find out. Depression runs in my family, and only recently did I find this out. I've never had thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or harming anyone else, but it's something that I'm still wary of. Right now, I still feel I'm not alright yet. 
  14. I had to log in to Proboards to change my master password because of Cloudflare's huge leak incident and happened to see all of the old forums I've been on. I looked at it and saw that people actually still posted on it, which was weird to me. So I looked at it and posted bullshit too. Also, this was maybe a few weeks ago, to which I hadn't logged into Proboards or it in over a year.   But that's unrelated to this topic.