Time

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About Time

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  • Website URL http://www.divalution.tk

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  1. Power Rangers

    I had some issues with it, but I'm still living the nostalgia from getting to see big budget Power Rangers in a theatre and I'm pleased overall. The four people I went with, who aren't as knowledgeable about PR as me, loved it. My biggest gripe might be Alpha. He's too agile and lacks quirkiness in the movie. I also wasn't feeling Trini or Jason. You won't be missing much if you wait for the torrent. Definitely a good watch though. 
  2. Alexa vs. Mickie serving PPV before WM
  3. Wrestling's Sexiest Men | NSFW

    Was that on his story? 
  4. Raw March 13, 2017: Live Chat

    Monday night proves to be tragic for the girls yet again. Can we put Emma in the WrestleMania match, please? 
  5. new blog entry

  6. 4: young and dumb.

    Next month marks two years since I decided to leave California and the life I created there. I cried the first time I heard Adele's "Hello", released about six months after my departure. Along with the pain from that entire experience still being fairly fresh on my mind, she and Trey, my husband, are the same age. As she prepared to release 25, I felt the lyrics to that lead single deep within my veins. I knew that at some point we would be forced to reconnect to work out divorce details (to go over everything), something we still have yet to do. I also knew that he would easily relate to the line that speaks of being in California dreaming about who we used to be.  It feels longer than two years, to be honest. I've successfully detached from the saga that controlled my life for so long and I've had an abundance of experiences with new people that have shifted my mentality about life and created an entirely new paradigm in my universe. I don't think about Trey or our relationship very much anymore and I consider that a success. Once in a while, old wounds will open and I will release emotional pain that still resides somewhere deep within my heart. When this happens, I can recognize the strength and resilience I gained and find joy in how I live my life today compared to the constant misery and heartache that permeated my world back then. In my last entry from nearly a year ago, I began to explore the origins of this relationship and recall the first chapter of the story I created with a man who left me with hefty baggage, but not too much to take with me on the flight of life. Many say that time heals everything and in this case, it's true. More and more as time passes, I relinquish both the guilt and pain that resulted from years of dishonesty and disarray. What felt like a dark cloud for such a long time now lies in the distance where I can occasionally muster a glance and let hindsight guide me to understanding and enlightenment. It was impossible for my fourteen year old self to identify that I was in a toxic relationship and unhealthy situation. I had one boyfriend before Trey and it was by no means serious. Spending the night with someone, having sex, and developing the dynamics of a serious relationship were all foreign endeavors and I didn't understand the implications. The phrase "I love you" was sent in my direction within just a few short weeks of meeting this fellow. I returned the sentiment, but its meaning was not mutually understood. I knew that I enjoyed spending time with him and wanted to continue operating in this new world where I escaped the trouble and lack of stability at home with my family. I wanted to be accepted and gain recognition and validation of the maturity I believed I possessed. The concept of love was in its infancy for me. Even now, there is still so much to learn and understand.  He graduated from high school in the same month that we met. With assistance from my mother, I put together a gift bag to congratulate him. He continued to work at Taco Bell through the summer and moved out on his own in June, renting a house with four of his friends. They were around his age or slightly older, and though I didn't realize this at the time, their values and outlook on life differed greatly from his. While it would be a long time before I would ever see alcohol in his hands, these friends that he shared his living space with liked to party. Alcohol was usually in stock and I'm honestly not sure about drugs because I never really saw them, but it's safe to assume there was a fair amount of that going on as well. However, Trey kept me shielded and sheltered. We kept to ourselves and mostly hung out in his bedroom. He showed me a lot of music I might not have otherwise been exposed to and we probably had a lot of conversation. I don't think I spent time there without him. While he was at work, I returned home, but I saw my friends as well and we did the usual things hooligans at my age did. I usually slept with him though. I never really got close to the people he lived with and to their dismay, he didn't either. I think they resented him for how focused he was on his relationship and they were probably also uncomfortable with him having his significantly younger (and younger looking - I could pass for 12) boyfriend stay over all the time. They kicked him out a couple months later, citing that he was never there anyway. I believe they also refused to return money he contributed towards bills or rent that he shouldn't have been responsible for if he was to leave. Needless to say, he left on bad terms and it was a messy situation.  Devastated, he came to my house for comfort and support. I don't know where I was, but I remember coming home to the sight of him basically crying in my mom's arms, his sadness stemming from people he considered his friends unexpectedly and unjustly depriving him of a home. The details of the conversation are not vivid in my memory, but the result was that he would move into our house and share my bedroom with me. My mom encouraged and advocated this; though my forgiveness has been expressed, she will probably carry some measure of guilt with her to her grave for facilitating this environment.  What should have been an early red flag in our relationship began as a minor annoyance. I recall him moving his computer into my room along with other possessions and setting it up next to mine. Though it hadn't been apparent to me yet, I soon realized that World of Warcraft and similar games dominated a large chunk of his free time. While I would head to the park with friends, he would stay at home with his headset on, navigating through this multiplayer game with his internet pals. His communication through the microphone was loud and he had a bad habit of violently shaking his leg while playing, sometimes seemingly causing an earthquake within the room. His attention could not stray from the virtual worlds in which he immersed himself. In fact, during our marriage several years later, he requested that we come up with a word I could use to ask permission to speak to him while he was in the middle of a game. The severity of this dynamic was lost on me until reflecting on it much later, but I went along with it for a while, mindlessly submitting myself to an unreasonable and unhealthy decree. I cheated on him for the first of many times that summer. This guy was two years older than me and attended high school. I encountered him at a church I briefly attended and he later reached out to me on MySpace. Looking through his pictures, I was in absolute shock. Everything about him seemed "straight" and he was hot, to be entirely honest. He also had abs. He beat around the bush for a little while in our conversation, but it was understood that he was looking to have a sexual interaction with me. When the time felt right, I broke away from hanging out with a friend to meet him in an alley next to a grocery store. We weren't there long at all, but there was some sort of gratification to be obtained from the experience. I think it felt good to be bad and in an egotistical way, I was proud of myself for attracting a hot guy from high school. I felt no attachment to him whatsoever and I resolved to file it away in a dark corner of my mind reserved for memories of wrongdoing. Unfortunately, through internet history and text messages, Trey uncovered the truth and I was forced to face it. I remember it distinctly, the room lit only by glowing screens and him sitting up in bed waiting to confront me. I had just returned from a trip where I stayed with my father and grandmother in another state, something I did every summer. I was caught off guard and completely ashamed of myself. I don't know what words I offered him in response, but the rest of the summer was miserable. I felt grounded as I knew he couldn't trust me to leave the house without him anymore. In what I thought would appease him, I stayed home for the most part until school started that August. I passed up opportunities to see friends and enjoy the sun beating down on my neck because I cheated on my boyfriend and I didn't want him to worry that I would do it again. This began an endless tumultuous cycle in which there was a lack of trust and constant reminders that I inflicted irreversible pain. I felt horrible about what I did, but I simply wasn't ready to be committed or monogamous and I couldn't recognize or verbalize it at the time. I wish my relationship with my mother hadn't been suffering so much, because I really needed her. If I had confided in her and sought out her wisdom, perhaps she could have helped me understand that my behavior indicated that I shouldn't be in a relationship. She could have recognized that my reaction to this guy much closer to my age reaching out to me was normal. More importantly, she could have helped me draw conclusions about the flaws in my behavior while participating in a relationship. I don't dwell on this though, especially since I had a strong support system in my friends. Hindsight just allows me to see that I was dealing with adult issues when I was far too young and inexperienced to fully process and understand them. To his credit, I was his first serious relationship and being cheated on fucking sucks. The situation was handled inappropriately and ineffectively, leaving us both with scars. Thank you for reading my story. I look forward to continuing this reflection and analyzation as it is infinitely therapeutic and fulfilling. Traumatic events pick up where I'm currently leaving off as an investigation began to unfold while I started the new school year. Trey was almost criminalized for his participation in our relationship and the environment in which we were living. Our worlds were shook to their core as the law informed us how it felt about the love we shared.  TO BE CONTINUED
  7. Wrestling's Sexiest Men | NSFW

    I'm feeling thirsty today. 
  8. Worst Ever Womens Wrestlemania Match

    I was foolish enough to get hyped for the battle royal and the mystery behind the names that were to return. I even threw a bit of a WrestleMania party because I was so excited. I don't know why I expected anything other than a clusterfuck though tbh. And I don't think that match would be so infamous if an actual woman had won, but WWE had to throw salt in the wound and further insult women's wrestling with the Santina debacle. It was a joke. I need to give the Moolah/McIntrye match a watch though. 
  9. What's next for the WWE Network?

    It's remarkable how much footage has yet to be added even with RAW and SmackDown's entirety now being available. Personally, I'm perched for Heat as there are a plethora of women's matches and so many of them are hard to find or perhaps even nonexistent in decent quality. I'm also quite interested in FCW as I haven't seen most of those matches and I know the rest of the IWC would be here for it. The Network has longevity tbh.
  10. Is Moolah overrated?

    The key thing to remember here is that Moolah was greedy and solipsistic. She saw that women were at a major disadvantage in the wrestling industry and recognized an opportunity to capitalize on that by monopolizing it. There have been multiple accounts from women who were under her wing and associated with her that the wrestling school she ran was a joke. She forced students to rent apartments from her and infused them with drugs and prostitution while taking most of the money they earned from matches. She made sure she was the biggest name in building up and booking these girls so that if they wanted any chance of success, they would have few options outside of her.  The real kicker is that she and Vince formed such a close business relationship. Like her, he is egocentric and at the end of the day, it's really all about the money. Thanks to their combined forces, women's wrestling continued to suffer into the late 90s, taking spots and opportunities away from both legitimate and potential female contenders. And of course her name will forever be etched into WWE's history and lineage thanks to a bullshit title reign that is boasted as being nearly three decades and credit as some kind of matriarch of the women's division, when in reality she was its worst enemy.  The praise for Moolah has dwindled in recent years. Knowledge of her true nature and some of the vile things she did have come to light and awareness has spread. I'm sure this is no coincidence; WWE knows better than to continue using her image and parading her memory around as something to be cherished. I think they've kicked the dirt onto that grave and many internal forces probably hope no one tries to dig it up. 
  11. Jack Swagger Released

    I've seen him at a few live events and he's literally always been my bathroom/beer break. Boy bye.