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      Nikki Bella Reveals Past Sexual Abuse

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      Nikki Bella is opening up about her painful past.


      In her new memoir, Incomparable — co-written with twin sister Brie — the Total Bellas star, 36, shares the grueling details of her sexual assaults, why she felt ashamed to share her truth, how she learned to let go, and how she plans to empower others.

      At 15 years old, Nikki was raped by a fellow high school student she "thought was a friend," she said in the book. Then, at 16, she was raped again after being drugged by a college-age man.

      "There is the horrible offense in the moment, and then the shame and blame that follow and feel almost worse than the original pain," she wrote in the book. "When something like this happens to you, you understand the blame-the-victim mentality, how easy it is to feel shame rather than anger, how easy it is to feel like you could have stopped it yourself."

      Speaking with PEOPLE in this week's issue, the mom-to-be explains why she held on to that blame for all these years — and the rippling effect it had on her life, her relationships and her future.

      "When that happened to me, I immediately just felt so ashamed and blamed myself, and that's what made me want to keep it such a secret," she says. "And keeping that a secret and blaming myself, I started to lose my confidence. I started to disrespect myself. And then the relationships I got into at a young age, I let other people disrespect me and felt like, that's okay, this is what I deserved."

      "I was like that for a really long time," she admits. "I would go to therapy on and off. Looking at it now I'm like, 'Oh Nicole, I wish you just would've let go at a young age. So much would have changed for you.' And I think that's what made me really want to tell these stories finally."

      Now, Nikki says she's eager to share her truth in hopes of helping others who have been in similar situations.

      "When the #MeToo movement happened, I was just like, 'Oh my gosh,'" she recalls. "I feel like, if I'm having these younger women look up to me, maybe I can help them and have them not hold onto this as long as I did. It wasn't until I was 28 and in a relationship where someone started to teach me how to respect myself. That's how long I held on to things and felt I had no boundaries. And I'd always look at Brie like, 'Oh, she has boundaries, she treats herself with such respect. How do I not have this?' And I knew why. But I held onto it for so long. When I look back at just decisions I made based off of it, I wish I could have heard my words now as a 36-year-old woman then, and be like, 'You're going to be okay.'"

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      Wow, I never would have guessed this. From my perspective, she has not let these horrific acts of violence hold her down but clearly it has from her point of view. She should be even more proud of what she has accomplished having overcome this. Still stanning.

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      It's already a horrible thing to be violated in such a way, I can't even imagine how shitty it must feel at such a young age. All the people that hate her, and think FEARLESS is just a Cena ripoff slogan, should really take a close look at this and AT LEAST start respecting her out of the ring.


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      This is fucking devastating to hear, my heart goes out to Nikki. I'm just so glad she was able to find strength and overcome because so many people who are sexually abused get trapped by it. I love you, Nikki :crying2: 

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      I could not even imagine how hard it must've been to deal with something like that TWICE all the while being a public figure that was slut shamed and harassed (and still is) by fans on the daily. She is an incredibly strong and passionate woman who deserves the world and after all she has been through I'm so damn happy that she has not only had a remarkable career but is about to marry a man who treats her well and have her first child. I ❤ you Nikki. 

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